Lifed off, Pissed Off and Coming Off Introducing our new BP Correspondent from Scotland - Jimmy W

The Long, Long Road to Getting a Methadone Detox in Prison.....

It's the end of June, my friend and myself are smoking a lot of gear - an 1/8th of an ounce is lasting us 2 days. Basically, aside from turning a few friends on, we have 2 very large habits to feed and there's never enough. We binge 12 - 13 days at a time and then nothing. On and on, the cycle continues.

One day while really sick and spitting feathers, I decide enough is enough. I need a detox. But knowing how long you have to wait is worrying me but I fill in a referral form and wait…and wait. Nothing. Three weeks later, a screw visits my workshed and together we fill in the form. June turns into July and still no word, my habit is getting bigger and bigger. Then I see a notice on the wall about a 'Drug Strategy Plan' and it offers anyone with a drug problem or wishing to know more is welcome to attend this meeting. So I decided to check it out.

When I arrive, there's an Acting Governor and someone who introduces himself as the prisons Drug Coordinator. He delights us with the many ways we can get help and the different options available whether it's counselling or a detox etc. It sounded good and to give him credit, I was impressed. So while speaking in a group of 8 -10 prisoners, I explain that previously I'd been referred to see a drug counsellor, a month or so has elapsed and I'd heard nothing. Could he chase it up for me and help me if possible? He says he will 'get back to me', an answer that they use frequently in prison.

August slowly arrives and I'm taken to see an outside Drug counsellor who works part time in the prison. When I arrive she invites me in and is very friendly. She introduces herself offering me a glass of water as she can see I'm sick, the sweat is running down my face. When I hear

her name realise she works alongside an old drug counsellor of mine who I got on okay with. Not only that but she is my girlfriend's keyworker! So she knows me quitewell and she knew all about my drug history, hearing a lot about me from my girlfriend and the old counsellor. She's really nice and friendly to me and we speak for 40 minutes about my heroin addiction in prison and how a detox would be suitable for my needs. I left feeling confident and quite happy. Things were looking up.

A few days later she wrote to me, informing me of my new keyworker's name, that I'd be working towards a methadone detox 'script and that my new keyworker would be in touch.

It was now the end of August and still no sign of my new keyworker so I politely ask a landing screw to call her and see if she could come and visit me as soon as possible. A few days prior to this I had asked to see a social worker. When this new keyworker comes to see me it is the same person. I tell her she was a social worker on Monday when I spoke to her and today is Friday and she's a drug counsellor. She informs me she is both!! So, I tell her that I've been using since I was 15, that I was maintained on a physeptone 'script for many years and now I'm doing a life sentence, using so much heroin blah, blah, blah and finding it quite hard to cope without a script. I gave her the full story and paused for her to speak. She gives me a sympathetic look and a weak smile and says, "Why do you take heroin". I said to myself 'For fucks sake, this is all I need, why couldn't I have the first keyworker. I really don't need this textbook bullshit!'. We talk for ten minutes, it's obvious we do not like each other and she walks away telling me she will 'be in touch soon'.

September arrives and I'm still trying to feed this monkey on my back and his appetite is getting bigger and bigger and it's pissing me off. With no sign of my keyworker, I ask a screw to call her and a week or so pass before she
she arrives to see me. I'm really sick and haven't slept for two days (although I'm polite and courteous). I ask her what's happening as my habit and lifestyle is spiraling out of control and I really need an answer. She informs me that I have to do a 5 week one to one counselling session with her so she can assess me. I can't believe I'm hearing this. I feel like shit, I look like shit and she is hitting me with bullshit! I ask what happens after 5 weeks? She tells me a case conference will take place and my case will be considered. I'm thinking 5 weeks! How the hell am I going to keep this habit going for 5 weeks? This is bad. This is very bad. I agree to her terms and she walks away telling me she 'will get back to me!'.

The next 5 weeks crawl past and I haven't set eyes on my key worker. She hasn't been near me and I'm starting to get really annoyed and frustrated. So I ask a screw to contact her, they admit it is a disgrace but there's no keyworker, she's off on holiday! I can't believe this! Two weeks pass and I am straight in the office asking the screws to phone her to come and see me. - it's now October/November.

So she comes in to see me and tells me she's been busy but that my case conference will take place this week. I sigh with relief as she tells me that if my case is accepted, I should start my detox in 2 weeks time. Things are looking good. I mention that I haven't been drug tested and could she see to it that I am. She replies that the test won't be needed 'til after the first case conference as that's procedure. Fair enough, I think. This 'script is looking like it might be a nice Christmas present for me and will allow me to kick back and chill out over the Festive Season and not need to worry about scoring and all the other bullshit.

The day of my 'conference' arrives and I'm not asked to attend. The day stretches out and by 4pm I ask a screw to call and find out the outcome. I stand beside him as he rings my keyworker. I am trying to tune into the call and read his expressions as he sighs and makes faces into the receiver…..it's bad news. The case conference didn't go ahead as the Drug Coordinator is off sick!!!! I cannot believe this. I feel so let down and the mental torture is driving me crazy.

A few more days pass and still no word from my keyworker. Again, a screw phones her and she informs him that my case will be heard the following week. It is now mid November. The case conference goes ahead and a screw tells me that I have been accepted, all my keyworker needs to do is speak to the prescribing doctor. At last I am getting somewhere! Six months and now it is so close, within reach! Thank God, I was beginning to think I'd have a nervous breakdown. Then it dawns on me - I haven't done the drug test. I am straight back in the office asking the screw to get me tested ASAP because without the positive drug test for morphine, I will not get a methadone detox. He calls my 'keyworker' once again and she says 'leave it with me'!!

Days pass by and still no drug test. What is going on? This bullshit is really affecting my sanity. A screw calls the MDT unit and tells me that I will be tested this weekend. YIPPEE!!! It's the first time in my life that I've felt excited and happy about giving a positive urine sample. The weekend passes by and no-one has come looking for me. By Monday, I am severely pissed off. A screw calls the MDT office and they tell him that they can't test me until they're given the relevant paperwork from the medical centre. I feel like screaming in frustration. This is not happening, I could almost taste that green juice!!!

The next day I sit in my cell and get totally wasted. Then I stroll into the office and start dancing and jumping about like a mental patient on acid. The screws look at me in a
mix of fear and horror, they can see I'm well and truly out of it on gear. I want to be tested so I can start this 'script! I ask to be drug tested on suspicion of being off ma' face - 'Right here, right now!'. The screws look at each other and mumble that they can't do it. I say 'Course you can! Just get on that phone to the MDT unit and tell them you suspect me of being wasted. Yous' do it all the fuckin' time!'. He replied, " No we don't." (Yeah right!). But they could see my point. I'll give a little respect to a couple of the screws here coz 1or 2 in particular did seemed concerned and did do their bit with numerous phone calls. But as I said, only a little respect where it's due! Meanwhile, the screws in the office didn't know what to do so I says, 'Phone the Acting Govenor, he was present at the 'Drug Strategy Plan' way back in June/July. Explain the whole scenario to him and see what he says'. Two minutes later the Acting Gov. tells them to tell me that I have to do a 5 week one-to-one counselling session with my keyworker!#?!*#!! I just shook my head in disgust. No-one knew what the fuck was going on here and I was pulling my hair out in frustration.

Feeling totally destroyed and defeated, I practically begged to see my keyworker, I just couldn't and wouldn't take much more of this totally headfucking games they were playing. This Drug strategy Plan must be some kind of sick joke and I don't get it. Either that or unseen forces are at work here to see how long before I explode.

The keyworker is contacted again. She won't come near me. (Nothing unusual there). She will see the doctor tomorrow about my prescription. Is this the happy ending I'm waiting on? No chance. The next day, I ask a screw to telephone her and find out what Dr. Feelgood is saying. I stand beside him as he uses the 'phone, my radar senses are again on full alert as I try and read his facial expressions. Was that half a smile I just saw on his face? Wishful thinking….As he puts the phone down he says that the doctor is unwilling to prescribe me methadone because I am involved in the prison drug scene. I said 'WHAT! You are fucking kidding me, this is beyond a joke!' I was understandably speechless. I felt like running head first into the nearest wall. Talk about anger and rage! I just couldn't believe this was happening. The keyworkers

exact words were - 'I was involved in the prison drug scene, I was going around with drug users and was on suspicion of buying and selling drugs'! An understandable response had I been applying for a job with HM Customs and Excise! She explains all this by saying it is a security matter and she was just passing a message via this doctor that I'd never even set eyes on before. I think 'Fuck this.' I ask a screw to call prison security to find out what's going on. Prison Security reply by saying that it has nothing to do with them.

Getting no where there, I wrote to the Doctor concerned and asked him why he had refused me a 'script because I was in the drug scene etc? I explained the whole thing to him to which he replies, "I haven't decided whether or not to prescribe for you and as for calling you a drug dealer, I don't know what you're on about, I never said anything of the kind"! Two days later, I asked to see him personally as I was at my wits end with all of this and I couldn't take much more. The doctor had obviously had enough also coz he packed his belongings and left the prison. He was the doctor of the prison! So then I ask to see a social worker and on the referral form, I tick the wee box that says 'mental problems'! I see her and explain everything again. She looks shocked and understanding and she soon wrote me a small memo stating that 'a new doctor arrives in December when your case will be looked at again. In the meantime your keyworker will assist you with any problems you have.'!!!!

It is now January 2001, and there has been no word from anyone. I feel totally let down and so confused and frustrated. Seven months of mental torture and all because I was brave enough to raise my head and say 3 words - I need help!