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HEROIN Issue 2 written 2000 |
Picture
this. Me in the airing cupboard with a defiltered embassy No.1 with a
damp rizla wrapped around it and a damp towel over my head. There
is an enduring problem (my second difficulty) around finding dose levels.
You remember that scene in 'Oliver', where the eponymous hero asks for
an increase in his script from Mr Bumble the workhouse counsellor? 'More?'
he roars. 'The boy wants more?!' Things haven't changed much and dose
levels still provide a neat divide between patient and professional drug
worker. The area is so sensitive that a sympathetic prescriber interviewed
for the Big Issue in 1994 was (mis) quoted as allowing patients to 'dictate
their scripts.' A hasty apology drew attention to the doctors habit of
allowing patients input into their script levels rather than deciding
the dose but lawyers for the Home Office were All
prescribing initiatives rely on finding the right dose level for the individual
in question. However, the two experiemntal research protocols on diamorphine
over the last 25 years in the UK, have loaded the dice heavily against
a successful outcome for Heroin. Hartnoll and Mitcheson at University
College Hospital in the 1970's, used an average heroin dose of just over
40mg daily (?!) and Chelsea and Westminsters recent experiment again relied
on a 1:1 equivalence with methadone for dose assessment (ceiling a very
low 200mg daily). Diamorphine is expensive (although cheap in the scheme
of things) and politically sensitive but it is the drug of choice option
that is arbitrarily granted (in sufficient doses) to far too few. |
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The
doctor seemed relieved, he removed his half moon specs and handed the
small pink form across the table. I hesitated, then lent forward and accepted
it. Suddenly, I was the lottery winner - or a long term jobbing actor
turned Oscar nominee winning the admiration of his peers, the goal he
had worked for and craved more than any amount of money or boundless love.
I clutched my new prescription to my bosom. I felt a speech coming on. The taxi office brought me back to reality. Situated just opposite the clinic next to a bankrupt drycleaner it was an 8x10 gas chamber. Strapped into the chair was a plump scouser scoffing what seemed like a last supper and smoking ten fags simultaneously. 'I'm on drugs and it's fucking legal!' I wanted to tell him. However the code of silence to which I'd adhered to for years censored the impulse. I couldn't see him sharing my excitement. The cab came, the road roared by until every traffic light saw us coming and conspired to delay my arrival at the pharmacy. Between the idea and the reality, Between the motion and the act, Falls the shadow (T.S Eliot). Life
on heroin maintenance for me was not the instant consummation of desire
I expected. From the nipple to the bottle never satisfied. Initially I
opted for diamorphine reefers (supporters of heroin prescribing should
always refer to heroin as diamorphine as it has more medical and less
sensational connotations, particularly for the media). Diamorphine 'reefers'
(dig the hipster parlance!) are not popular with the medical establishment.
The 'medistab' are a queer mob. A weighty work could be written about
the amazing dynamic of the addict/doctor relationship. (A much thinner
volume on 'What doctors understand about drug addiction', would make less
rewarding reading). In case readers believe they can perceive bias in
these words, I will add that prescribers are on a hiding to nothing in
this field. You are only as good as your last 'script as far as most addicts
are concerned. Talk, as they never say in counseling sessions, is cheap Once
I was 'stablilised' on reefers (ie; I had been on the prescription one
month), I found other ciggies unsatisfactory and cut my 'non medical'
smoking down to 2 or 3 fags daily. An overall reduction of around 40%
- an unexpected bonus that might complicate the ethical equation. After
18 months, I felt that the reefers failed on two fronts. The transition
from the needle can be a complicated journey. I began to miss the 'rush'
that concerted accumulation of relief that follows a fix and the ritual
that precedes it. I began to feel I was being cheated. Somehow I just
wasn't getting stoned to order. Smoke one fag - nice, smoke two |